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Week 140: A Grief Toolkit: 12 Things That Help Me Breathe

Grief has a way of showing up like an uninvited guest — one who doesn’t call ahead, and doesn’t care if you’re ready.

When those moments come, I reach for my grief toolkit — a collection of things that help me survive the next breath, the next hour, the next day. These aren’t cures for grief. Nothing “fixes” it. They’re simply what makes it bearable for me.

I’m sharing mine in case it inspires you to create your own grief toolkit, filled with whatever brings you comfort.


What’s in My Grief Toolkit

1. My Daughter’s Blanket

It’s navy blue fleece covered in cheerful animals. She used it constantly — even when it was 90 degrees outside. Now I do the same. Sometimes it’s on my lap, sometimes draped behind my head on the couch, but always close. It reminds me of our closeness in life, how we were rarely more than an arm’s reach apart.

2. The “Mommy and Me” Candle

A soft jasmine scent, a rose quartz crystal nestled in soy wax. I light it on her birthday, her “angelversary,” or on National Child Loss Day. It feels like a way to invite her into the room.

3. Books That Held Me

In the early days, these were lifelines: It’s OK to Not Be OK, When a Child Dies, Signs, and I Wasn’t Ready to Say Goodbye. They didn’t make the pain vanish, but while reading, I felt less alone. Right now, I’m reading The Full Catastrophe.

4. An Aura Spray Called “Grief”

I can’t explain it, but it takes the edge off when things are especially heavy. Maybe it’s the scent, maybe it’s the ritual — but it works for me.

5. Journaling in the Third Person

Every day, I ask myself, “How am I feeling?” and answer as if I’m writing about someone else. This little shift gives me surprising clarity.

6. Angel Oracle Cards

After a few minutes of meditation, I ask my daughter for a message. More often than not, the card I pull resonates deeply.

7. The Helping Parents Heal Facebook Group

This group believes our children aren’t gone — just in a different form and place. The support, the shared experiences, and the medium readings have been invaluable. They even host a conference every two years in Arizona, which I hope to attend.

8. Personal Readings With a Medium

Once a year, usually around a holiday, I schedule a reading. This year it was close to Mother’s Day. These sessions bring me peace and hope.

9. “Unstoppable” by Sia

This song isn’t about grief, but it’s about strength — and sometimes that’s exactly what I need. The lyrics are about putting on armor and finding a way to keep moving forward, even when you don’t feel unbreakable inside. It reminds me that strength isn’t about not hurting — it’s about showing up anyway. I sing it loudly in the car, hoping that courage seeps into my bones.

10. My Instagram Grief Community

This page — and now this blog — began because I wanted to connect with people who “get it.” The friendships and understanding I’ve found here are priceless.

11. Walks in Nature

When grief feels too loud, nature quiets it. Even a short walk reminds me there’s still beauty in the world.

12. A Cup of Hot Tea

It’s simple, but wrapping my hands around a warm mug makes me feel grounded.


Creating Your Own Grief Toolkit

Grief takes.

But my toolkit gives back — little by little, breath by breath.

If you decide to create your own grief toolkit, fill it with whatever brings you even the smallest measure of comfort: a book, a blanket, a ritual, a song. These tools won’t make the pain disappear, but they can give you something to hold onto when the waves hit.

You deserve tools that help you breathe. 🌿


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