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Week 121: Grief and Everyday Life: The Little Things That Hurt the Most



Sitting alone in a quiet house, I remember how much louder it used to be with you in it. The TV was always on, music was playing—there was constant noise. While I appreciate the peace in this moment, I deeply miss your loud, messy presence.

Coping with grief feels like navigating waves—some days are easier, and some days hit harder. Today, it’s gentler; I feel a sense of peace, and for however long it lasts, I hold onto it.

Memories of you surface in everyday moments. Today, exactly five years ago, a picture from 2020 popped up—our at-home spa day during quarantine. We had that silly goop on our faces, sprawled out in my bed, wrapped in your favorite baby blue robe, laughing between snacks. I can still see your smile—so genuine, so contagious, lighting up the room.

Your dad and I have subconsciously rearranged our routines to avoid the hardest memories. One of the biggest changes? Mealtimes. We used to eat every meal at the table. Now, it’s become rare. We never talk about why; it’s not hard to figure out.

You loved mealtimes. You were so persistent about dinner being served on time. And when you ate, it was like the table was an extension of your plate—crumbs everywhere, food in your hair, on your clothes. What I wouldn’t give to hear you say, “Mmmm!” over and over again when you loved something.

Those little things, those everyday moments, meant everything. And their absence is sometimes hard to bear.

Navigating Grief and Daily Routines

Grief profoundly impacts our daily routines and behaviors. Avoiding certain activities, like shared mealtimes, is a common response to loss to minimize the pain. While it may offer temporary relief, prolonged avoidance can hinder the healing process.

It’s a delicate balance to oscillate between confronting the loss (loss-oriented coping) and avoiding the associated emotions (restoration-oriented coping). This dynamic allows for periods of respite from grief, enabling engagement in daily life activities. 

In my case, the balance comes from having scheduled and regimented mealtimes for 25 years, which I did because my daughter needed a schedule. Now, my husband and I don’t need to be so scheduled so we choose to have mealtimes in front of the TV rather than at the table. Yes, we are avoiding the pain of the memories that brings and we are also comforted, distracted and even feeling a bit rebellious to eat in front of the TV after years of not doing so. That’s our balance right now, and it works for us. I’m open to that changing. Grief is a very personal journey, and there is no “right” way to grieve. Allowing ourselves to express our emotions in our own ways, no judgments, is a vital part of the healing journey.

Has grief changed the way you approach everyday activities? Do you find yourself avoiding certain routines because of the memories they hold? Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below.

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