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Remembering the Child I Never Got to Hold
Pregnancy loss is a quiet kind of grief — especially when the world expects you to move on. It’s the kind of sorrow that doesn’t always get space, words, or recognition. Nearly 30 years after my miscarriage, an unexpected message from the other side opened a door I didn’t even realize I had shut.
This is that story.
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A Message from the Other Side
When I had a medium reading back in April, my daughter came through — clear, sweet, sassy, and just as charming as ever. But this time, she mentioned someone I hadn’t thought about in years: her brother.
The one I miscarried in 1996, at 20 weeks pregnant.
It was just a passing mention — but it landed like a stone dropped into still water.
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Pregnant, Young, and Full of Hope
I was 23 or 24 — young, hopeful, and pregnant for the first time.
From the beginning, something felt off. Two embryonic sacs. Genetic counseling. Tests upon tests. Worry weighed heavy.
And then came the moment I knew something was wrong — not from the doctors, but from within.
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Confirmation of a Loss
At the amniocentesis, I knew before anyone said a word. My baby was gone.
A clinical doctor. A D&C. No room for grief — just instructions to “try again.”
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Grief Interrupted by Another Loss
Two days later, my father-in-law passed away.
Our world shifted again, and his visible, acknowledged death erased my invisible one. I became the helper, the supporter, the one who buried both a child and her own sorrow.
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The Baby I Didn’t Talk About
I talked about the miscarriage. But not the baby. Not the soul.
Years later, I had twins — a boy and a girl. I often wondered: maybe that little soul came back. Maybe he returned through my son.
It felt like fate. Like magic. Like healing.
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The Sentence That Opened the Door
During that reading, when my daughter said her brother was with her — and had been there longer — it changed everything.
It wasn’t just a mention. It was a message:
He mattered too.
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Grief Waited for Me
Grief has no deadline. It circled back when I was finally ready to hear it.
Maybe he came to prepare me.
Maybe he returned as my son.
Maybe love never leaves — it just changes form.
Now, nearly 30 years later, I finally say:
You were here. You mattered. You are loved.
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If This Is You Too…
To anyone carrying quiet grief — I see you.
You don’t have to bury it.
You don’t have to compare it.
You don’t have to minimize it.
Your love matters. Your loss matters. They mattered too.